the house that built me

this past friday was a hallmark day in my world.
twenty years ago my father passed away...

i was eleven years old.
just a girl.
a child.

that became very lost in the big bad world.
it has been a journey.
not always an easy one...
but i think that i have made my way.

this year we went to the place that holds so many childhood memories for me.
for us.
for our family.
sunriver.

for me it is peace.
it is solace.
it is the place that i hear the laughter of my youth echo through the trees.
i hear them in the laughter of the newest generation of families that come and enjoy.
they are me and i am them.
we are the children.
there we will always be the children.

this is the also the final rest place for my father.
he returned to the earth on the green of the eighteenth hole.
it was his place.
he was a golfer.
he passed away one year from the last time that he played golf...
in fact i was supposed to be in attendance at that tournament that he had played in so many years before...
but that didn't happen.

so...
here he rests.
in a place where the sky goes on forever.
the grass is always green.
freshly mowed.
men come and pay homage to the game...
friendships are solidified.
tested.
laughter.
frustration.
life.
all played out on the course.

to celebrate...
we sneaked out...
in the dark under the stars...
we made our way from where we stayed
to where he rests.
we came to rest among his spirit...
with great laughter (the only way that he would have it)
we popped a bottle of champagne...
we drank.
we laughed.
we stared at the stars.
relished in his memory.

today as we made our way home...
i heard a song that reminded me so much of the way i feel...
"the house that built me."
as we came home from the place that built me i couldn't help but be wrapped up in the beautiful words.
sunriver was always a home to me.
it was a place we went every summer.
every summer since i was born...

so after twenty years... this is what i know... (thank you miranda lambert for knowing too.)

I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for you
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me