Well i started my beginning of the new year with a different blog...well not a different blog but a different post.
but a few things have happened since i last started working on processing these thoughts of mine.
so here goes.
A few things have happened of a rather large magnitude have happened since we last spoke...
or you, whoever you are read, my my thoughts as if you were camping out in my soul.
thats a slightly creepy image.
amusing but creepy.
it makes me wonder what the decor of my soul looks like...
have you ever considered what the decor of your soul or the soul of another might look like if you were hang out in there...
well no is your chance, i have opened the door and placed the opportunity in front of you. Take a peak around, tell me what you see.
okay well enough playing visual hostess, i suppose the time has come to change hats and wear that of the verbal hostess. not that my words are all that beautiful but one can try.
so...
back to the beginning of the new year and the way that it has shaped up thus far.
well...
it has been interesting to say the least.
my year ended with someone trying to steal my car..not just my belongs but my entire car.
which is baffling to me.
who has the right to decide that something should no longer belong to its rightful owner and that it should become someone elses...
i just don't get it.
and the fact that the people who commit these crimes there is nothing but a slap on the wrist if they are caught in the act...
the police do nothing to find them...
however i frequently see them hanging out at the local starbucks.
i am so glad that my tax dollars go to such good use.
rather than them being used for what they are supposed to be used for,
we are all purchasing vente lattes or some other caffeinated coffee drinks...
especially for those of us who don't even drink coffee.
on a second note...
my beloved sister and my babies...well her babies technically. The boy and his kid sister...my little loves are gone. They have moved more than just a new city...
they have moved all the way around the world.
to china.
for the next three years.
i am beside myself...
these children are a huge part of who i am...as is my sister.
but she is off doing incredible things.
she for those of you who know her...know that she is AMAZING.
i am in awe.
but her aside...
i am saddended by the fact that i have been such huge part of their childhood thus far...
and now just as tonight will fade into tomorrow.
they are gone.
they will come back.
and i will go to china...woohoo.
but none the less they are not here for me to indulge in my nuggetness.
oh nuggets.
wonderful nuggets.
but from all the way over here
i wish them love and kisses.
a huge thing that happened...
well this one was one that i dont know that i will ever get over.
my baby.
my real baby.
my angel.
hit a milestone birthday.
its crazy.
she has become the most lovely young lady and i am beyond proud of who she has and is becoming.
she blows my mind everyday.
i am proud to be her mother.
and now for the most recent and heartbreaking...
i lost my grandmother.
on monday, my family lost its glue.
its matriarch.
i cannot begin to find the words to express how this has affected me.
lets begin with a little story about me...
for those of you who know me.
know i lost my father when i was 11 years old.
the woman that has gone now from my life...
was his mother.
she embodies so many of my childhood memories...
ones that after my father passed away i think i buried deep down inside my soul.
in ways i feel as though i have lost my father all over again.
my heart hurts.
i loved my grandmother.
i still love my grandmother.
i will always love my grandmother.
she was a terrific woman.
full of life is the best way that i can describe her.
my grandmother would have turned 90 this march had she lived that long...
but just like my father she passed away 2 months befor a monumental birthday...
his being 50.
hers being 90.
i am saddended by her loss.
there are so many things in my life that i had wanted to share with her.
i would have loved to have had her be there on the day that i get married...
nor will my father.
although i am not in any hurry to do so...but none the less when the time comes they will not be there.
and this crushes me.
she will not get to know my daughter...
or my sisters children.
however i suppose it is now time that i make sure that i do not lose contact with my fathers sisters and their children as i did when my father died, although it was not my responsibilty, as a child to maintain those relationships...
i regret that they had fallen by the wayside and that it has taken this loss to bring us back together.
but this time i am an adult and i will be the one to take the reigns and make sure that it doesn't go away again.
after all what is family without eachother?
there are so many things that i would like to say in regards to my grandmother and this loss but there is really only so much that i can say for the day prior to the emotions become too much to hand
my grandmother will also not be here to see these things in the flesh i know that so much of her is entwined in who i am.
we are both spritely in size
and firey in spirit.
i love you grandma.
