For you totter...

what can i say...
i have been consumed by the movement of parental love.
i over flow with thoughts and affections for my child.

I AM A LUCKY WOMAN.

she and i have been on an ongoing adventure.
from day one.

she is the fuel for my fire.
and for those of you know me.
know it burns intensly.

this morning i was listening to some music
and came across a song that described everything i felt.
everything i feel.
everything i know about loving my child
or any mother loving her child.

a mothers love is a special love.
on the surface you may say that mine is no different than that of any other mother.
but to me it is.

if you know our story
you know our struggle and our triumph.
where we have been and what we have learned.
our journey has not been easy but it has been one that i will not forget nor regret.
sure i would have made changes along the way...
but its made us who we are.
it will dictate who she continues to become.
she is a magical creature.

little girl you are enchanting.
you are filled with magic and light.
do not let anyone extinguish your light.
let it shine brightly for the world to see.

continue to fight to change the world all on your own.
ask for help when you need it.
but always always always push forward.

sing your songs
dance your dance
twirl
always twirl.
dance and sing with reckless abandon.
let go be free.
wear your faerie wings.
you are after all the very thing you believe yourself to be.
a faerie
filled with magic
song
laughter
joy and
L
I
G
H
T
so let it shine.

be brave
be courageous.
love.
love with your whole heart.
share your gifts with the world.

although i possess many words
i don't know that i have all the words to share with you all my wishes for you.

i wish for you that the world would stay the way you see it in your heart
i wish that the people that you encounter in your life shine as brightly with good as you percieve them to.
you have a wonderful way of looking at the world.
you see it not only through the eyes of a child but through the eyes of a wise and curious explorer.

you amaze me
you dazzle me
you love me
and i love you.
i love you more than you will ever know.

thank you for being you

So Glad You Are a Child of MIne

so today i watched a video of a dear friend of mine.
she made this video as a declaration of love for her son.
although i cannot sing like her.
song is not my forte.
but written word is.
so...
i too make this public declaration of love for my totter.

little girl.
you light up my life.
your laughter is like the most glorious music for my soul.

the days ahead of you might not always be easy.
but i am here
i am here to hold your hand
to help you navigate the rough waters
and help you sail the smooth.

you are a kind girl
a sweet and sensitive child
with many gifts to offer the world.

i will forever foster these strengths
i am proud to be your mother

i love you
i love you more and more each and everyday
i watch you grow and change
and feel blessed that i have been there for all of it
being a mother is a special special gift
being YOUR mother is the best gift in the world

when i look at you and the way you treat and love the people around you i am proud
life will not always be easy
but if you continue to treat people with the love that you do these days as a child
it will take you far.

as your mother i can only hope that you treat people the way that you want to be treated.
people will try and knock you down.
people will try to break your spirit and squash your dreams.
please do not let them win.
but we are not always perfect and when those times get the better of you.
i will be here
i will pick up your pieces and put them back together.
piece by piece
i will dust them off
kiss them
hold them close to my heart
infuse them with my love
my strength
the lessons i have learned
and put them all back together
and send you back out in to the world.

you and i have been partners.
you and me
me and you
just the two of us
no one can ever take that away or break the special bond that we share.
your little hand in mine

i am sure someday that you will grow taller than i
but that means nothing
i will forever hold your "little" hand in mine
to me you will always be my baby
my little girl

as these words for you exit my being and enter yours
tears stream down my face
if i could protect you forever and always
from the hurt
the anger
the sadness
the sorrow
and expose you only to the joy
the laughter
the love
the kindness
i would.

i cannot shield you from the elements
and keep the rain from soaking your coat.
i can however keep you warm.
i can wrap you up in my arms and keep you safe and warm
fill your heart with laughter and joy

i love you
i loved you yesterday and the day before.
and each day before that.
i will love you tomorrow and each day to come.

thank you for being you
stay you
no matter what they say
no matter who they tell you that you ought to be
you should never be anyone but the beautiful soul that you are.

you are special
you are kind
you are the love of my life.

 [ so here is a song for you my dear...two in fact.]

a little love poem...

two hands
one breath.

rain soaked skin
love soaked soul.

wind
whistle.
call.
howl.
scream
pleasure.
cry.

hush.
lips.
kiss.
mouth.

heart beat.
thunder.
cry.

take yours.
take mine.

melt.
me
     l
       t
m
   e
     l


         time to love.

two times in one night...i'm on a roll!

well this is a first.
two posts in one night.
not sure what has come over me...
but i cannot complain.


this one is of a different nature it is one of great love.
for those of you know and know for those of you who don't...
now you do.
my totter is deaf in one ear.
when you meet her you would never know.
unless you went to hand her a telephone and tried to put it on her right ear.
she'll tell you she doesn't hear out of that one...
in a very much DUH tone.
she's the best.
she makes me smile.
and one might notice if you were to sing with her.
she'll read your lips.
its pretty cool.
it impresses me.
but then again i am her mom so most everything she does impresses me.
(you should see her climb the rope  - it will impress you too!)
but that's neither here nor there.
the only other time you might know is when she is tired and she is trying to watch tv...
she will want to lay a particular direction so that she can hear.


but this post isn't totally about her.
although i could go on and on cause she is just AMAZING.
this post is really about being deaf.
a few years ago i decided to broaden my horizons by learning American Sign Language
not just because i wanted another language under my belt
but should anything ever happen to totters good ear i didn't want to lose our words
to lose our conversation


American Sign Language is beautiful
beautiful beyond words.
being deaf does not dictate any deficiency
any thing "wrong"
it is simply the need to speak a different language.
and if we hearing people would take the time to listen
to really listen
you would learn its not silence that you hear
its a voice just like any other
you simply hear with different parts of yourself


when we say a picture is worth a thousand words.
it's true.
what is said in eyes
hands
and body language.
so we should open our eyes
hearts
and minds
and listen.


in my studies of ASL i was blessed to be turned on to D-PAN
Deaf Professional Artists Network
it is AMAZING.
this is why i am writing tonight.
a friend of mine
the woman with 3 first names...and now a extra last name to boot
(she just got married - thanks be to her husband for his service in the military)
shared with me their newest video...
so of course
i had to watch.
phenomenal.
like always.

so tonight i would like to share with you.
1st - we are going to be friends - the white stripes
please take the time to watch them.
they are truly very special.
and very important reminders.
2nd - beautiful - christina aguilera

and one more

this is probably my favorite as it shows scenes from a student uprising at Gallaudet Univeristy

which you most likely have never heard of

but should.

it is the only university in the WORLD

who's programs are dedicated to hard of hearing and deaf students.

thank you to Abraham Lincoln.

So please please please read this go check out Gallaudet's website as well as D-PAN's and hear the words.

Happy Reading!

a lesson in respect...

silly as this all might sound i have been taking notice of the lack of respect and common courtesy that seems to be surrounding us these days.

yuck.

what have we become.
and how have we become this way.

the thing that blows my mind about it the most it that we carry our phones around with us
we have modes of instant communication.
some times too much.

it makes me sad.
in a world where we can connect at the drop of a hat
but we are so far away.

maybe its just be but frankly it makes me sick.
we can post about our lives on Facebook
but cannot call a friend to tell them hello, let them know you are thinking about them.
me i guess i am old fashioned.
i like to call my friends
see how they are doing
send them text messages when i am not in a place that i can talk just to let them know they are on my mind or that something reminded me of them...

it seems as though it is not reciprocated my way.
except for by my mostly companion.
thank you babes for being thoughtful enough to say hello.
it makes me smile.

i cannot make my friends think of me.
nor can i make them call me.
but my god get some manners.
when you say youre going to
do so.

with this lack of respect and common courtesy.
is the lack of etiquette.
its gone out the window.
i am pretty sure when you are invited somewhere it is the polite thing to do to inform the hostess that you are
a: attending
b: that you regretfully decline

its just nice.
and for not doing it.
its kinda rude.
in fact its very rude.
its not rude to say no.
its rude to say nothing at all.
RESPECT people.
RESPECT.
not hard.
not complicated.
plain and simple.

we were taught the golden rule as children for a reason: treat others how you would like to be treated.
frankly sometimes i would like to treat others how they treat me.
so they can see how it feels.
but i was not raised this way.
i was raised to treat people with respect and common courtesy.
its how i roll.
i would like to say that i was capable of being that way.
but it doesn't feel good.
i'm not in the business of being mean.
i'm not saying i am perfect sure we all slip up at times but there are people who do it consistantly.
and when you speak up for yourself and say "hey this is hurting my feelings, not that i believe i deserve special treatment i just expect the people in my life to treat me with common courtesy and respect" - the same common courtesy and respect that i give them - and then they are rude to you its crap.
just crap.
and i am sick of being treated this way
and thus i am working on cutting those people out of my life.
they are repeat offenders.
and i am by remaining in contact with them and trying to be a part of their lives.
continue the cycle.
well the cycle ends.

i apologize that i am going on this little rant...
but i am just sick and tired.
oh well.
i know i cannot change anyone but myself.
so there you have it.

happy reading.

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World

So after a very emotional and heartfelt conversation with my friend tonight - i felt that this piece written by my mother deserved revisiting. This is a message that still 4 years later brought tears to my eyes as we are what the future learns from. I as a parent am a teacher - a guide - a navigator and it is my job to teach, guide and navigate my child in apositive direction. As she brought to my attention tonight the simplest yet the most true of all philosophies - one I think that we tend to forget. "Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi.

She brought this to my attention as it hangs on our refrigerator as a magnet. I walk past it each and every day - I probably look at it without really seeing it. However that will no longer be. I am inspired to make change. So much so that I am going to be meeting with my advisor about changing my educational path - although not entirely but steering myself differently because I believe in opportunity, EQUAL opportunity for our children to be healthy happy people. For them to change the world. They come in to life unjaded and pure and they learn the hatred that breeds in this world only because we teach them...they do not come out of the womb, hating someone because of the color of their skin, because of their religious beliefs, because of their sexual preference. They learn these things because we teach them. They know not that they are different because their family makes less or more money than the baby in the nursery next to them. And why should they be denied opportunity for a fantastic life, for their dreams, for health care for any of these reasons. they shouldn't. I don't care what you might say in opposition, because there is nothing to say...children are the future and to deny any one a chance to achieve their dreams is foolish.

So please read this old note - from 2007...this message still rings as true today as it did then, as it did yesterday and as it will tomorrow and every day to come.

So be brave, be courageous and fight to make a difference in the future of humanity.

The first part of this was written by my mother this morning who attended a Celebration at my daughters school "Together We Can Make a Difference" it was so touching I wanted to share it and the Oregonian acticle referenced in it.....

So Please Friends Read it!!!

This morning I attended the Human Rights day celebration at Irvington Elementary where my granddaughter attends kindergarten. Irvington is a very racially and ethnically mixed school.

The theme of today's program was about working together. The children made posters to decorate the gymnasium, which also serves as the auditorium,and they sang and performed for a packed audience of parents, grandparents, friends and siblings. These children work and play together daily. When my granddaughter talks about her friends from school I have no idea about their ethnicity or race and most importantly neither does she. She has a crush on an African American boy, and there is a white girl who is mean to her and hurts her feelings. I know this because I have met these children, and sadly, I notice these things about them - she doesn't. For her this simply isn't part of the equation or her thinking. It quite simply does not matter. I am grateful for this; for at least in this tiny pocket, these small children are learning that if they work together they will create change, a better world. I am encouraged and ennobled by them; they are model of inclusivity, because for them as Martin Luther King Jr said so eloquently, whatever judgments they make about each other are not because of "the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

And for today, their parents and grandparents and friends came together in the same way. I don't know what was going through their heads or in their hearts, but I do know that they all clapped just as loudly for the African American boy who sang a solo as for the white girl. Today they came to simply honor these children, all of them equally, as sang for peace and liberty and joy and a cleaner planet. Let us hope that as these children grow into adulthood that they will continue to simply see each other as human beings. Perhaps they will be the generation that Steve Duin describes in the last sentence. I certainly hope so, but then that is up to us, isn't it?

The struggle to "get over" slavery

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Last week, a Virginia legislator named Frank Hargrove rose to denounce a bill that called for a state apology to the descendents of slaves. The 79-year-old Republican -- he turns 80 Friday -- insisted that since slavery ended more than 140 years ago, "our black citizens should get over it."

I emphasize Hargrove's age for a reason that has nothing to do with his candidacy for senility. Although he was not around for the passage of the 13th Amendment in 1865, the "official" end of slavery in this country, he turned 3 in 1930, a year in which at least 20 "black citizens" were lynched or put to the torch.

Hargrove was a robust 31 and, presumably, better educated in 1958, when -- four years after the Supreme Court's landmark decision in Brown v. Board of Education -- not a single school district in Virginia had yet been desegregated. Like Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi and South Carolina, the state of Virginia believed blacks should just "get over" the court's rejection of separate but equal.

Heck, Hargrove turned 62 in 1989, when the first National Football League owner finally conceded that an African American might be qualified to coach in a league that had been around since 1920.

Get over it? Sensitivity is a sensitive issue, and Hargrove is welcome to his own bundle of nerves. I rise to quarrel with his history and the absurd notion that the systematic oppression of blacks in this country disappeared with their chains.

The end of slavery -- and it was legal in Cuba and Brazil into the 1880s -- conveyed no advantages or equity on the former slaves. "They had no rights and protections under the law," said Darrell Millner, acting chair of the department of black studies at Portland State University. "They had no property because they had been property. They had no money because they hadn't been paid. They were still in the midst of the people who enslaved them."

And most of those Southern gentlemen met their attempts to crawl out of that hole with savage resistance. Beginning in 1890, the Southern states -- with the blessing of the Supreme Court -- began disenfranchising blacks at the voting booth with literacy tests, poll taxes and "white primaries."

The effort was so pervasive and so successful that by 1940 only 3 percent of blacks of voting age in the South were registered. Not until Freedom Summer (1963) and the Voting Rights Act of 1965 -- when Frank Hargrove was 38 -- were blacks given reasonable access to the political process.

All the while, blacks were routinely denied job opportunities, transit and lunch-counter seats, fair trials and a decent education. By 1962 -- 97 years after the Civil War -- a mere 13,000 federal troops were needed to help enroll a black Air Force veteran, James Meredith, at the University of Mississippi.

Just who has had the tougher time getting over the end of slavery, blacks . . . or whites?

As Millner notes, Columbus requisitioned slaves for the trip back to Spain in 1492, and slaves were still crossing the Atlantic 400 years later: "It's unreasonable to expect an institution that is that pervasive and long lasting will disappear in a time period that's any shorter than the period it is operational."

Let's hope that's a particularly pessimistic view. Frank Hargrove's generation fought a lot harder to keep this country free from fascists abroad than free from court-sanctioned bigotry at home. His grandchildren's generation probably isn't all that surprised to see two black coaches in the Super Bowl.

May the next generation be just as blase about black law partners, black franchise owners and black faces on the Forbes 400.

Steve Duin: 503-221-8597; 1320 S.W. Broadway, Portland, OR 97201

A Mothers Love

This is a true story of Mother’ s Sacrifice during the Japan Earthquake. After t...he Earthquake had subsided, when the rescuers reached the ruins of a young woman’s house, they saw her dead body through the cracks. But her pose was somehow strange that she knelt on her knees like a person was worshiping; her body was leaning forward, and her two hands were supporting by an object. The collapsed house had crashed her back and her head. With so many difficulties, the leader of the rescuer team put his hand through a narrow gap on the wall to reach the woman’s body. He was hoping that this woman could be still alive. However, the cold and stiff body told him that she had passed away for sure. He and the rest of the team left this house and were going to search the next collapsed building. For some reasons, the team leader was driven by a compelling force to go back to the ruin house of the dead woman. Again, he knelt down and used his had through the narrow cracks to search the little space under the dead body. Suddenly, he screamed with excitement,” A child! There is a child! “ The whole team worked together; carefully they removed the piles of ruined objects around the dead woman. There was a 3 months old little boy wrapped in a flowery blanket under his mother’ s dead body. Obviously, the woman had made an ultimate sacrifice for saving her son. When her house was falling, she used her body to make a cover to protect her son. The little boy was still sleeping peacefully when the team leader picked him up. The medical doctor came quickly to exam the little boy. After he opened the blanket, he saw a cell phone inside the blanket. There was a text message on the screen. It said ,” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” This cell phone was passing around from one hand to another. Every body that read the message wept. ” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” Such is the mother’ s love for her child!! Dont forget to click the share button..

20 Adult Truths

I found this gem this morning from a friend of mine...I loved it so much I had to share!!


1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.



2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


4. They really need to have a sarcasm font.


... ... 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


10. Bad decisions make good stories.


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.


13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.


15. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.


18. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.


19. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.


20. There's a reason some women have a bumper sticker saying, "I have PMS & a hand gun!" Do we really need to know more?

seeds of change...

seeds of change.
the words are borrowed.
but the idea is real and true within us all.
we have the power to affect change.
to make a difference.


the question becomes do you?
do we plant the seeds?
do we foster the growth needed to change?
what is it that we are trying to change?


i speak these words in reference to not political change.
not world change.
oh how i wish that i possessed the proper words for that though.
however...
this is not the time.
this is the place.
but not today.


the seeds of change i choose to speak of tonight.
are the seeds in which we plant in one another.
the older that i get i become more aware of the seeds that others plant in me.
ha that made me laugh.
it sounds as if i am harvesting babies or something like that.
but that is not the point.
i am talking about the seeds of growth.
personal growth.
change.
beauty.


i am blessed in my life to be surrounded by a group of beautiful individuals.
they are all so different.
yet all very much the same.
in that they have enviable spirits, lights and energy.
i love you all in different ways.
thank you for fostering change in me.


for those of you who have known me for many years know that for a long time i had hardened edges,
i was not soft.
i am always and have been deeply sensitive.
but you might not have known.
i do not know the days in which the walls went up.
it was sometime after my father passed away.
but it happened.
i built walls.
and you have knocked them down.


i know that some of it has been through meeting my mostly companion.
he fosters gentleness and femininity in my that i forgot i had.
he makes me feel like a girl.
not that my biology hasn't made always feel like a girl.
but like a girly girl i suppose.
soft.
sweet.


my other "soul farmer"
is my lovah.
ha so not a lovah in the traditional sense.
i scoured my brain for the right nickname to protect her identity...
and could think of this name...lovah.
its the name we call each other.
if you know the SNL skit.
its the best.
simply fantastic.
if you don't.
i am saddened for you.
ha just thinking about it makes me laugh.


ok so back to my lovah.
she is the one who's words "seeds of change" i have borrowed.
she is a remarkable woman.
she is my soul sister.
we are kindred souls.
one spirit.
two bodies.
together forever since the moment we met.
she is my hero.
these are things she does not know.
she does not know the extent of her own spirit.
her own influence.
she has talents in so many ways.
a heart of gold.
a heart of sunshine and rainbows.
glitter and unicorns.


lovah is a dancer.
that was how we joined together.
she was the grace.
i was the power.
we were all the things the other was not.
together the perfect pair.
although i no longer dance...
i built pieces on her.
watching her dance sets my soul a flame.


she is special.
she is kind.
she seeks to foster growth in our future.
in children.
she sees their light.
she makes it bright.
she is a healer.
she heals me.


when days are dark.
her voice brings solace to me.
she is far.
too far to touch.
but not to feel.
she makes me a better person.


she has stood by me in my darkest days.
stood there when i was wrong.
waited for me to be right.
said nothing.
but let me learn my lessons on my own.
yet was always there to pick me up and dust me off when i fell down.
i have done this a lot in all the years of our friendship.
and yet she has always been there.
to push me to be better.


now that i am better and i am thriving.
i can say thank you.
i don't know that i ever properly have said it.
friends come and go...
but sisters are forever.
and she is my sister.


without her.
i would be lost.
maybe even forgotten.
not to you.
but to myself.
she always knew how to knock down my walls.
through movement.
when she danced with me.
i was free.
i was safe.


she is like magic to me.
she is like pixie dust.
she sparkles in the sun.
she dances in the rain.


so before i cry.
silly girl tears.
this is for her...


if i was beautiful like you
oh the things i would do
those not so blessed would be crying out murder
i'd just laugh and get away with it too
like you do.


if i was beautiful like you
i would never be at fault
i'd walk in the rain between the raindrops
bringing traffic to a halt.


but that would never be
that would never never be
cause i'm not beautiful like you
i'm beautiful like me
beautiful like me


if i was beautiful like you
i's be quick to assume
they'd do anything to please me why not
i see their reaction when you walk into the room.


but that would never be
that would never never be
cause i'm not beautiful like you.
i'm beautiful like me
beautiful like me
beautiful like me
like me


if i was beautiful like you
i'd have so many friends
all fighting for my time to be next in line
so if i hurt one i wouldn't have to make amends.


but that would never be
that would never never be
cause i'm not beautiful like you
i'm not beautiful like you
i'm not beautiful like you
i'm beautiful like me
beautiful like me
i'm beautiful like me
i'm beautiful like me.


thank you for always making me see the beauty in myself.


Happy Reading!!