a new rant...well maybe not so new.

so once upon a time not too long ago i wrote about my feelings about the people around me making that leap to marriage...
and how i have still yet to be on that boat.
yet i am watching it set sail all around me.

i am not sure if i should be bitter or happy for everyone. 
let me rephrase that of course i am happy for everyone as marriage is a lovely thing.
i guess i just wonder if this might ever be in the cards for me.
i am beginning to think not.

over the last two weekends i have attended two weddings - very different but both ever so beautiful. so congrats to the beautiful couples. wishing you all the love and happiness that life has to offer.

i also found out that two more people got engaged over the weekend. congrats to them.
however i guess what gets me the most is that they have been together for a very short time and my mostly companion and i have been together for almost four years.  actually one month from today will be that day.

but thats neither here nor there...i guess where my rant begins is that i am beginning to feel like a leper as though i am not one for marrying.  is there something wrong with me?

i also as i was following the life of an old friend.  actually an old dance little sister - she too got married over the weekend.  congrats to her. 

and thus this leaves me not really knowing how to feel.  i guess i think it will never happen for me and that is ok...but i think at some level i would like to have a princess day.  i would like to be with someone that wants to forever share the happiness, the sadness, the struggles, the joys and all other things that life contains.  i would like to share that love with someone.  i suppose i think i share it with my mostly companion but i am not so sure he shares it with me...considering i am still waiting and wondering.  and as we just returned from the most magical vacation i guess i am left feeling very confused.

i dont know how to feel anymore.
i dont even know that this is the stage in which i am to put forth this confusion.
if now it has become to personal.

well enough of this i guess.
many congrats to newly married, newly engaged and those who share their love daily.
happy reading. 

A New Beginning...

there are certain things that i just must get off my chest...
so here goes!

as i write that and reread it...i realize that sounds rather negative but its not....not in the least.

my mostly companion and i just returned from a fabulous vacation.  we just returned from ny.  it was however a different experience than any other time that i have been there.  it was truly magical.  i fell in love with my mostly companion in new and different ways than i EVER dreamed possible...and i fell in love with the city all over again.  it has always been my favorite place in the world - a place that sets my spirit ablaze...fills my soul with sunshine and rainbows.  and this time was no different that still happened but in a more amazing way than i can properly express.

but this is me trying.

i want to move there.  i want to spend the rest of my life with my mostly companion, my daughter and my friends there. 

this trip i spent time with friends i had not seen in years and felt myself so enraptured by them and the people that they have become (one of them was a friend of mine growing up dancing.) so let me tell you about her an the amazingly brilliant woman that she has become.  she blows my mind.  she is bright and radiant and kind and funny and i really wish that i could spend far more time with her and meet her husband and her little one on the way. i love you kg.

another friend of mine who i had the pleasure of seeing shines with a kindness and love unlike anything else i have seen, i got the pleasure to witness her professing her life and love to a wonderful man this weekend.  as we watched them say their vows i got the pleasure of seeing their love.  one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen in exchange for a first dance they did something unlike anything else - they sang.  although it was for us in a way...it was all for them it was a raw beautiful expression of their relationship and i feel blessed that i was privy to seeing it.  so thank you a&j. and congratulations today, tomorrow and always.

so as i sit here in my living room at "home" i am feeling so far from home.  there are no noises of the city.  there is no energy, no life, no spirit.  i feel like i need that in my life.  and for the first time i was lucky enough to share it with the man that i love my mostly companion.  it was beautiful to watch his face light up in ways i had never seen it light up before.  it was a wonderful thing to get to share with him a city that i love so much and to get to experience it in a whole new light. 

i could sit here and write all night but i must go to the grocery store - ugh reality.  and the worst part about it is i must go get in my car to go there...as although it is close it is not city close (and i am also dead tired and lazy.)

so until the next time...happy reading. xo