sometimes the words are easy
sometimes there are no words
this day is a day for true reflection
i reflected this morning on just how many birthdays had passed
last year i said 20...i was wrong.
last year was 22.
this year it is 23
i promise i am really better at math than that.
you died just before 50...
in 1993
here we stand in 2015
you would have been 72.
my oh my
i cannot help but think about how much i alone have changed in the 22 years that you have been gone.
i was nothing more than a child
no longer a child
now an adult
with a child of my own
i sit here an attempt to wax poetic
yet i find i have no words to say
i am in a place i do not want to be today
today i want to be in an "us" place
a place where we stood together
a place where i can feel you like the wind
where you encompass me in your spirit as it moves through the trees
where i can feel the sun on my face
the rain on my skin
the tug on my heart
our hearts know not the answers for grief
there is no timeline for healing
there are no words
we find solace in the little things
sadness in them too
i seek answers
i seek reasons
yet i know there are none
who would i be had you not left us all those years ago
where would i be
where would we all be
your loss is in the fabric we are all woven from
as look back at the words that have come before on the days such as this i want to say them all again
they ring as true today as they did last year and the year before
maybe i haven't changed at all
only aged
tears have begun to fall like the Oregon autumn
i know not when they will subside
i cry for you
i cry for me
i cry for us
today i only seek solace
laughter
memories
yet in this life there is little time for reflection
little time to reminisce
no strolls down memory lane
we are far too busy
but today i will take as many moments as i can to remember our adventures
the years are the same for us all
yet the experience so different
for me it has been a lifetime
here's to you sir
i shall raise a glass to you this evening
i shall dance through the living room
our waltz
to our song
i hear it in my heart all the days of my life
thank you
thank you for the memories
thank you for the birthdays
of yours
of mine
of ours
that we did get to share
Happy Reading
