trimmed fat leads to lean pickings

so recently i decided that i would trim the friendship fat...
i have begun the process of letting go of a few friends who have repeatedly hurt me by their behavior.

i am learning that this is easier said than done.

i have 2 friends in particular that i am "trimming" from my life at this present moment and i am finding it to be very hard.

although one of them doesn't ever answer her phone (who knows if she even has the same phone # as she did when we were friends) i still miss her...she was one of those friends that before she met the bf of hers was a wonderful friend for the most part...the kind of friend a friend would like to have at times... well maybe she wasn't that awesome to begin with.  however she was one of those people when you were having a hard day she was a kind ear and a tender heart to pour yours upon...but she met this fellow and that all changed.  i can't help but wonder if the demise of our friendship is due to the fellow in mention...maybe he doesn't like me (well that's all fine and good and that bothers not but she shouldn't discount her friends because one says so...) however she literally fell off the map when he came along.  i of course get the hanging out with your friends less because you have met someone and want to further your relationship however deciding never to call them or be short and rude every time they call well that's another story all together.

i of course cannot tell anyone how to live their life or treat their friends but i'm pretty sure that treating them like they are garbage that was great to have around while they were single but now they are no longer so it is time for them to be discarded is not the way to go...

man i feel as though that i could go on about this forever...
it hurt me deeply.

i miss my friend.
i miss her coming over in the evenings to hang out with me and the little lady...
with whom she also is supposed to have a very special relationship but has neglected since the "man" came around...
he has his own children and now she is playing "mommy" or whatever it is that she is doing...
i am saddened by this loss greatly.
i feel like i almost have a phantom limb friend...
i want to call her and invite her over however every time i have invited her - even if its been in advance...she always has better things to do.
which is ok.
i wish her love, happiness, and success in her life.
i will be sad that she is not there to share mine with me.

ok....
now on to the next...
the 2nd friendship that i am cutting out is another hard one...

i am not sure where to begin...
this friend and i have been friends for many years...
and i have given as much love and support as i can possibly give to said friend.
and throughout the years i have not been treated particularly well by this friend..
but at this point that's really neither here nor there...
what kills me is the present time.
she calls me her best friend yet she makes no effort to spend time with me...
i try to hang out but its always to no avail...
she has a friend with whom she maintains a terribly unhealthy friendship with and she recognizes it and yet they remain what appears as the best of friends.
and it hurts.
although fb should not the basis for my hurt it is the catalyst.
she (my friend) has told me numerous times her tales of woe with said girl....
however they continue to have plans and maintain what appears to be a very active relationship...
when i who is told that i am the "best friend" doesn't even get phone calls returned...
oh well.
i guess in some ways i am jealous but mostly i feel fed up...
fed up with being there to wipe away the tears and help clean up the messes yet someone else (whom many of the previously stated items are courtesy of) seems to have the friendship or at least the activites of friendship that i have so desired with this friend of mine for years...
it makes me sad.
but i am sick of putting forth the effort and only ever being a back up friend....and oh my plans fell through we should hang out friend.

do people not see the hurt they cause in others...
however i still stupidly keep trying to make efforts with both people however it always ends up being in vain and to no avail.

needless to say i am hurt deeply by 2 people who i love dearly...
i am not sure what to do.
i am not sure whether i am to give up and walk away and save myself the hurt that these 2 "friendships" bring upon my life and move on...

but why does it hurt so bad
thats what i want to know...
why is so hard to give up on people that give you nothing but hurt in return.
when does the actuality of the fact that people are going to be who they are going to be regardless of what we do set in...
that as much as we might try to be there for others there comes a time when we must be there for ourselves first and foremost...

however why is it that once we trim the fat...that is all we crave...

i wish that i could leave you with my usual wishes of happy reading but i am afraid that i cannot in good conscience do so...
as i am hurting so much so by all this...

so with that i simply bid your farewell.

summa summa summatime...

time to sit back and unwind...
so i finally have a break from that which i do daily...and i have this break for a month
however i am at an absolute loss of what to do with myself.


i know i should just be enjoying the time off but its technically the first day of my break and i already feel like i am going stir crazy.


but at least i have a plethora of good music to keep me entertained.


so i must tell you a little story of some good luck - or good happiness that was thrown my way.


this last saturday my mostly companion's kid sister (she's not really a kid but she younger so we will call her kid sister for the sake of birth order) and i were going to get some free pizza - courtesy of my dear friend steppy nubble - nicknamed for anonymity's sake...she had a groupon that she and her husband were going to be unable to use so she asked me if i wanted it i of course said yes who would pass up free pizza - unless of course if you didnt like pizza then you might but then you would be a shocking rare creature that one like myself would not know how to handle....


so back to the story at hand...
we are en route to pizza when i receive a text message about a band that we are both longing to see...The Temper Trap...and the text is about a free show that is playing at the Buffalo Gap...at 4pm and there is room for 120 people - i turn to look to her and report the news....


needless to say we turn around and change our course for the afternoon....sadly though my mostly companion is golfing in the hundred degree weather missing all the goodness that is about to occur.


so we arrive at the buffalo gap - we are the 3rd group of people that arrive for the show - we grab a beer each and get in line...my goodness we are so excited.


to make this story even better - we had been having lunch the previous day talking about how badly we had wanted to go to the concert t (that was saturday night) she was very jealous her boyfriend was going and i had been trying to win tickets all week to no avail...but my how the tables would turn.


so the mini concert starts and they are AMAZING!!  Beyond what we had both imagined....
and the tale gets better...


sooooo....
there is a girl from the radio station walking around talking to us special invitees - members of the "mobile nation"  inquiring as to how we like the show.


we told her our tale of musical woe...


she continued her route around the room as we went on conversing with one another...
low and behold she comes back and sits down at our table and begins telling us that we must celebrate quietly...


as she slides 2 tickets for that nights show...
what are you kidding me?
we have just been given two free tickets compliments of the radio station to which we are both loyal listeners...


so we are in shock and very excited...
we follow the instructions though and celebrate quietly.


so once finished we decide it is time to head off to free dinner...after free intimate concert..before we head to free full blown concert...


wow oh wow what a day it turned out to be.


I must say though that i feel bad as we were supposed to both attend a bbq (myself and my mostly companion) he went for the both of us as i was slightly...um well lost in joy!! 
so my apologies to our friends!!
much love!!


And happy reading!!