love looks good on you too...

and i am not talking about simply romantic love.
i am talking about love in general.
to love and to be loved is the greatest human capacity.
with love comes many facets...
forgiveness.
patience.
thoughtfulness.
kindness.
friendship.
they are all facets of love.

as the new year has begun and new adventures have arisen i have found myself growing even more appreciative of the relationships in my life.

each one has gained new meaning.
i feel so blessed by the people who have carved out a place in my soul.
who make me who i am.

i spent an afternoon this weekend.
celebrating the new love of steppy's life...
lil miss aj snuggle.
oh i cannot wait for another heart to love.
especially this one.
but as i sat there in this room...
a room filled with women.
who had nothing but love and well wishes
to share with the mother to be.
she is an amazing woman.
and i am a lucky lucky girl to have had her in my life for so long...
we have been friends since we were kids.
and i am forever grateful for her tremendous capacity to love.

but as i sat there and i watched and soaked up all the love in the room i couldn't help but think to myself.
what lucky folk we are.
to have love that surrounds us.
family.
that label includes my friends
they are my family.
they are the threads of the fabric that blankets my soul and keeps me warm in the darkest coldest hours.

as we go through our journeys in life it is so wonderful to know that there are people that you can always count on.
my wish for this new year is that we invest a little more in each of our loves.
give love.
even on days when love cannot be reciprocated in the moment.
always extend love.
because it will come back to you.

as i go on my journey through life.
i know without a shadow of a doubt that i am loved.
i am love.
i give love.
i get love.
you are love.
you get love.
you give love.

i feel blessed in my life that as far as romantic love goes.
i am in love with my mostly companion.
he is...
well he is my heart.
he knows my heart
he fills my heart.
he guides my heart...
and for those things i will forever be grateful.

other love.
mother love.
oh totter.
i love you.
more than words.

to my mother.
my sisters.
my aunts.
my cousins.
my nieces.
my nephews.
you are all a part of who i am.
i am forever indebted to your strengths
your weaknesses,
your laughter.
your tears
your wisdom
your understanding
your love.

to my women friends.
wow.
your capacity to love amazes me.
your capacity to give amazes me
your hearts are amazing
i cannot ever thank you enough for being who you are.
your motherly love for your children
your romantic love for your significant others
your friendship and support for the women around you.
wow.
we are blessed group of women...and whether we are all connected to one another
or whether we only just know each other.
it is still a special thing and you are all special people.

and to my male friends out there
(ha that sounds so official)
your love for all is probably not as recognized as it should be
but your love for your children
your love for your significant others
your love for your other male friends - your brotherhoods
your love for your mothers
for your fathers
and for the women that you call friends
its all amazing.

so thank you all for being a part of my love.

as we grow older and the lines begin to show upon our faces
think of them as love lines.
they are from the twinkle in your eyes
they are from the smiles on your face
they are from the hugs that you give
they are from the hugs that you receive.
they are love.

love yourself.
love your surroundings
love your life.
love each other.
cause at the end of the day...
that's all we've got.
is love.

so remember when you look in the mirror that love looks good on you.
so give love
receive love
and do so whole heartedly.

happy reading!

A Birthday Wish...

so for those of you who know and for those of you who don't....
i am having a rather momentous birthday in a few months.
i turn 30.
i am excited.

and this year i wanted to celebrate in two ways.
one is prom.
yes real honest to goodness prom.
i know it sounds silly
but i never got the chance to go.
and the next time i will get to be a princess for a day (ha that sounds so silly)
is when i get married...
to my mostly companion.
ha...
still waiting.
not really.
it's not broke...
so we don't need to fix it.

but before we have the fanciful event of the night...
and get all glamorous.
i want to give back.

life hasn't always been easy for me.
but i am a fighter.
i am a warrior.
i am a survivor.
i have been blessed to come out of all of the pain and sorrow.
a very blessed and happy girl.

i am in love with two of the most amazing humans i have ever met...
one in a romantic fashion.
yes, my mostly companion.
and the other...
well there are no words to describe a mothers love.
i am in love with my totter.
she is the best.
(yes i think all of your children are amazingly fabulous too!)

but i want to give back.
the time has come for me celebrate my triumphs and my struggles of the last 30 years with a labor of love.
i have arranged to do a "group build" with habitat for humanity.
we are to spend the morning helping someone else be able to reach for the stars with a tangible foundation.
a place that they can call home.
a place that they can sew their oats.
a place to grow from.

and the reason that i have taken to words tonight is because of the people that i am blessed to call my friends.
WOW.
you are all truly special people.
and i am lucky to be able to hold your hearts as a part of my mine.
i cannot thank you enough for not just the immediate response but for the gusto in which you all have responded.
i cannot think of a better way to ring in the passing of another year of my life.
with a group of special, passionate, amazingly loving people.

it all came from a simple post on fb...
trying to get a general head count so that i can get our "group build" going and all set up.
and instantly..
one
two
three
people responding.
and not just saying sure.
or
i guess.
responding with excitement.
and in reading your replies...
it brought tears to my eyes.

this is why i wanted to do this.
because i am blessed.
life isn't always easy
but when you know you have a group of tremendous people that surround you there is no reason to be selfish.

you all have wonderful gifts and i feel honored that for my birthday you are going to share them with someone else.
someone very deserving of a chance at fresh start and a great beginning.

i hope that if you read this...
and some of you might and some of you will probably never read my blog (and thats ok)
i just think the world of all of you.
i am honored that i have the pleasure of calling you my friends.
you are all such special and good people.
you have all been treasures to me.
you have seen me at my best
you have seen me at my worst.
you have shared in my laughter.
you have shared in my tears.
and now we will share one of my dreams.
so thank you.
thank you
thank you
thank you.
thank you from the bottom of my heart.

so thank you for making my birthday wish come true.
i cannot thank you enough.
i can honestly say that i have the best best best best best friends in the world.
thank you for wanting to help.
thank you for wanting to give back.
you have all just made this birthday the most special and the most memorable.

so often we neglect to give back.
and not because we don't care.
and not because we aren't able.
sometimes its because we cannot find the time.
this time...
it's set.
we have a date.
so friends.
i am sure that i will see you before...
but i will see you at the build.
thank you.
thank you for opening your hearts and your hands.
you are good people.
and you make me a better person for being a part of the fabric of my soul.

thank you again for sharing in my birthday wish.
i love and appreciate you all.

For you totter...

what can i say...
i have been consumed by the movement of parental love.
i over flow with thoughts and affections for my child.

I AM A LUCKY WOMAN.

she and i have been on an ongoing adventure.
from day one.

she is the fuel for my fire.
and for those of you know me.
know it burns intensly.

this morning i was listening to some music
and came across a song that described everything i felt.
everything i feel.
everything i know about loving my child
or any mother loving her child.

a mothers love is a special love.
on the surface you may say that mine is no different than that of any other mother.
but to me it is.

if you know our story
you know our struggle and our triumph.
where we have been and what we have learned.
our journey has not been easy but it has been one that i will not forget nor regret.
sure i would have made changes along the way...
but its made us who we are.
it will dictate who she continues to become.
she is a magical creature.

little girl you are enchanting.
you are filled with magic and light.
do not let anyone extinguish your light.
let it shine brightly for the world to see.

continue to fight to change the world all on your own.
ask for help when you need it.
but always always always push forward.

sing your songs
dance your dance
twirl
always twirl.
dance and sing with reckless abandon.
let go be free.
wear your faerie wings.
you are after all the very thing you believe yourself to be.
a faerie
filled with magic
song
laughter
joy and
L
I
G
H
T
so let it shine.

be brave
be courageous.
love.
love with your whole heart.
share your gifts with the world.

although i possess many words
i don't know that i have all the words to share with you all my wishes for you.

i wish for you that the world would stay the way you see it in your heart
i wish that the people that you encounter in your life shine as brightly with good as you percieve them to.
you have a wonderful way of looking at the world.
you see it not only through the eyes of a child but through the eyes of a wise and curious explorer.

you amaze me
you dazzle me
you love me
and i love you.
i love you more than you will ever know.

thank you for being you

So Glad You Are a Child of MIne

so today i watched a video of a dear friend of mine.
she made this video as a declaration of love for her son.
although i cannot sing like her.
song is not my forte.
but written word is.
so...
i too make this public declaration of love for my totter.

little girl.
you light up my life.
your laughter is like the most glorious music for my soul.

the days ahead of you might not always be easy.
but i am here
i am here to hold your hand
to help you navigate the rough waters
and help you sail the smooth.

you are a kind girl
a sweet and sensitive child
with many gifts to offer the world.

i will forever foster these strengths
i am proud to be your mother

i love you
i love you more and more each and everyday
i watch you grow and change
and feel blessed that i have been there for all of it
being a mother is a special special gift
being YOUR mother is the best gift in the world

when i look at you and the way you treat and love the people around you i am proud
life will not always be easy
but if you continue to treat people with the love that you do these days as a child
it will take you far.

as your mother i can only hope that you treat people the way that you want to be treated.
people will try and knock you down.
people will try to break your spirit and squash your dreams.
please do not let them win.
but we are not always perfect and when those times get the better of you.
i will be here
i will pick up your pieces and put them back together.
piece by piece
i will dust them off
kiss them
hold them close to my heart
infuse them with my love
my strength
the lessons i have learned
and put them all back together
and send you back out in to the world.

you and i have been partners.
you and me
me and you
just the two of us
no one can ever take that away or break the special bond that we share.
your little hand in mine

i am sure someday that you will grow taller than i
but that means nothing
i will forever hold your "little" hand in mine
to me you will always be my baby
my little girl

as these words for you exit my being and enter yours
tears stream down my face
if i could protect you forever and always
from the hurt
the anger
the sadness
the sorrow
and expose you only to the joy
the laughter
the love
the kindness
i would.

i cannot shield you from the elements
and keep the rain from soaking your coat.
i can however keep you warm.
i can wrap you up in my arms and keep you safe and warm
fill your heart with laughter and joy

i love you
i loved you yesterday and the day before.
and each day before that.
i will love you tomorrow and each day to come.

thank you for being you
stay you
no matter what they say
no matter who they tell you that you ought to be
you should never be anyone but the beautiful soul that you are.

you are special
you are kind
you are the love of my life.

 [ so here is a song for you my dear...two in fact.]

a little love poem...

two hands
one breath.

rain soaked skin
love soaked soul.

wind
whistle.
call.
howl.
scream
pleasure.
cry.

hush.
lips.
kiss.
mouth.

heart beat.
thunder.
cry.

take yours.
take mine.

melt.
me
     l
       t
m
   e
     l


         time to love.

two times in one night...i'm on a roll!

well this is a first.
two posts in one night.
not sure what has come over me...
but i cannot complain.


this one is of a different nature it is one of great love.
for those of you know and know for those of you who don't...
now you do.
my totter is deaf in one ear.
when you meet her you would never know.
unless you went to hand her a telephone and tried to put it on her right ear.
she'll tell you she doesn't hear out of that one...
in a very much DUH tone.
she's the best.
she makes me smile.
and one might notice if you were to sing with her.
she'll read your lips.
its pretty cool.
it impresses me.
but then again i am her mom so most everything she does impresses me.
(you should see her climb the rope  - it will impress you too!)
but that's neither here nor there.
the only other time you might know is when she is tired and she is trying to watch tv...
she will want to lay a particular direction so that she can hear.


but this post isn't totally about her.
although i could go on and on cause she is just AMAZING.
this post is really about being deaf.
a few years ago i decided to broaden my horizons by learning American Sign Language
not just because i wanted another language under my belt
but should anything ever happen to totters good ear i didn't want to lose our words
to lose our conversation


American Sign Language is beautiful
beautiful beyond words.
being deaf does not dictate any deficiency
any thing "wrong"
it is simply the need to speak a different language.
and if we hearing people would take the time to listen
to really listen
you would learn its not silence that you hear
its a voice just like any other
you simply hear with different parts of yourself


when we say a picture is worth a thousand words.
it's true.
what is said in eyes
hands
and body language.
so we should open our eyes
hearts
and minds
and listen.


in my studies of ASL i was blessed to be turned on to D-PAN
Deaf Professional Artists Network
it is AMAZING.
this is why i am writing tonight.
a friend of mine
the woman with 3 first names...and now a extra last name to boot
(she just got married - thanks be to her husband for his service in the military)
shared with me their newest video...
so of course
i had to watch.
phenomenal.
like always.

so tonight i would like to share with you.
1st - we are going to be friends - the white stripes
please take the time to watch them.
they are truly very special.
and very important reminders.
2nd - beautiful - christina aguilera

and one more

this is probably my favorite as it shows scenes from a student uprising at Gallaudet Univeristy

which you most likely have never heard of

but should.

it is the only university in the WORLD

who's programs are dedicated to hard of hearing and deaf students.

thank you to Abraham Lincoln.

So please please please read this go check out Gallaudet's website as well as D-PAN's and hear the words.

Happy Reading!

a lesson in respect...

silly as this all might sound i have been taking notice of the lack of respect and common courtesy that seems to be surrounding us these days.

yuck.

what have we become.
and how have we become this way.

the thing that blows my mind about it the most it that we carry our phones around with us
we have modes of instant communication.
some times too much.

it makes me sad.
in a world where we can connect at the drop of a hat
but we are so far away.

maybe its just be but frankly it makes me sick.
we can post about our lives on Facebook
but cannot call a friend to tell them hello, let them know you are thinking about them.
me i guess i am old fashioned.
i like to call my friends
see how they are doing
send them text messages when i am not in a place that i can talk just to let them know they are on my mind or that something reminded me of them...

it seems as though it is not reciprocated my way.
except for by my mostly companion.
thank you babes for being thoughtful enough to say hello.
it makes me smile.

i cannot make my friends think of me.
nor can i make them call me.
but my god get some manners.
when you say youre going to
do so.

with this lack of respect and common courtesy.
is the lack of etiquette.
its gone out the window.
i am pretty sure when you are invited somewhere it is the polite thing to do to inform the hostess that you are
a: attending
b: that you regretfully decline

its just nice.
and for not doing it.
its kinda rude.
in fact its very rude.
its not rude to say no.
its rude to say nothing at all.
RESPECT people.
RESPECT.
not hard.
not complicated.
plain and simple.

we were taught the golden rule as children for a reason: treat others how you would like to be treated.
frankly sometimes i would like to treat others how they treat me.
so they can see how it feels.
but i was not raised this way.
i was raised to treat people with respect and common courtesy.
its how i roll.
i would like to say that i was capable of being that way.
but it doesn't feel good.
i'm not in the business of being mean.
i'm not saying i am perfect sure we all slip up at times but there are people who do it consistantly.
and when you speak up for yourself and say "hey this is hurting my feelings, not that i believe i deserve special treatment i just expect the people in my life to treat me with common courtesy and respect" - the same common courtesy and respect that i give them - and then they are rude to you its crap.
just crap.
and i am sick of being treated this way
and thus i am working on cutting those people out of my life.
they are repeat offenders.
and i am by remaining in contact with them and trying to be a part of their lives.
continue the cycle.
well the cycle ends.

i apologize that i am going on this little rant...
but i am just sick and tired.
oh well.
i know i cannot change anyone but myself.
so there you have it.

happy reading.