another year older...but am i any wiser...

yes.
yes.
and yes.

absolutely.
i have learned so much in the past year about myself, my loves, my life, my friendships...everything.

so far i have liked my 30's. 
i have watched my friends get married.
have children.
find their professional paths.
its been great.

i too have embarked on a tremendous journey.
i am learning to live like the ocean.
to move with the moon.
to breathe.
to swell.
to retreat.
to sustain.
to support.
to be.
like the ocean i move with the moon.
what a thrill to be one with the world.

i am happy.
i am really truly happy.
my heart sings with joy.
the music from my soul beckons more light and love.
please fill me.
as the notes flow from my breath, 
i feel them take their place among my veins. 
i feel them begin their crescendo
i feel them descend into their adagio
life is dolce.

as i start my newest journey around the sun share with me your music.
your light.
your love.
i know not what this trip shall hold.
i am sure that there will be rough patches just as the storms swell above the seas
i am sure that there will be smooth sailing just as the laughter echos from children in summer.
but they will be mine
they will mold and shape me as the wind shapes the coast line
i will awaken at times bruised and battered by the storm
yet my strength will break away the clouds
the sunlight will echo from the chambers of my soul
burst free
release me
inspire me
help me transcend to a new place.

i look toward the sun on this beautiful evening
breathe in its beauty
soak it in through my skin
prepare to take this leap
to journey around the sun yet again.
may this year be filled with blessings for us all.
thank you for sharing this trip around the sun with me.

happy reading!

tears...

today i have nothing witty...

nothing exciting...

just something so very true.

a simple thank you to the keepers of the tears.

you know who you are.

a release for the criers of the tears.

a statement of strength to those who see the tears as anything else.

a testament to those who have cried the tears.

"there is a sacredness in tears.

they are not the mark of weakness, but of power.

they speak more eloquently then ten thousand tongues.

they are the messengers of overwhelming grief,

of deep contrition,

and of unspeakable love."

happy reading.

taper week.

in my life we speak lots about tapering.
if you don't know i work in a local running store.
when you run and you train right before you race a long race.
you have a taper week.

this week i taper.
but i taper in a different way.
for the last few years i have been seeking a degree.

you may or may not know...
you may not have but you might have figured it out...
i was a teen mom.
i had my totter at the age of 18.
that doesn't make college easy...
or even possible.
for me it wasn't something that i could do.

but that changed.
i decided that i needed to make a change.
i got some education...
and i got a great job.
it wasn't what i wanted to do forever but it put a roof over our heads
and food on our table.
but i wasn't emotionally happy.
when my professional world came crashing down around me
i decided that it was time for a change.
i started going back to school.
i started with a few classes here and there.
but didn't totally have a direction.

but then i started to find my way.
or maybe my way found me.
i started to blast though my classes.
then i graduated from pcc.
i had the beginnings of a degree.
i had an associates degree.
my daughter was proud of me.
i was proud of me.

i finally felt like my words to my totter about following her dreams were valid.
what good is it to tell someone to follow their dreams if you aren't following yours.

that is what i have done.
i enrolled at portland state...
i thought that i wanted to be a physical therapist at the beginning.
but somewhere along the way
i found my calling.
or it found me.
i am a community health educator.
almost.
that is why i am in my taper.
i am wrapping up my second to last term of my undergraduate degree.

i am about to go out in the world and make change.
make it better for my child and for her friends.
for her community.
for my community.
for our community.

i cannot wait.
i have worked hard.
i have learned so much.

i am forever grateful for the outpouring of love and support i have been given.
wow.
i am forever indebted.
i do not know that i am worthy.
but i do know that i wouldn't have been able to do this all alone.
my friends.
my family.
my totter.
my mostly companion.
your patience and your encouragement means more than you know.

i promise to go out into the world and make change.
i promise to make you all proud.

out of all of the things i have learned
the most valuable.
i am worth it.
i am worth the learning.
i am worth the effort.
i am worth the passion.
i am worth the time.
i am worth the money.

and i will make a difference.
watch out world...
you have three months left to prepare
because i am coming.

cheers!

happy reading!

Thankful...

oh the things we have to say...
this month i have watched or read many folks talk about the things that they are thankful for in this month of november.

i thought some about it and decided that to remind myself to type something each day was a little unrealistic.

so i thought i would take to this venue and let it all go.
all the things i am thankful for.

that's how this whole thing began...
and then the election took place.
not that it was a surprise.
but my oh my the things people say in this time.
i was baffled.
blown away.
shocked.
dismayed.
appalled.
hurt.
saddened.
disgusted.
i just could not believe the things that people would say.

i cannot understand.
i will never understand why people opt to be so cruel.
sure.
you might not agree with a particular candidate and that is fine.
that is actually part of what makes the election thing so great.
we have the choice.
we have the right to choose.
and for that i am thankful.
there however is no reason to treat the people that don't agree with you like they are less than you.
like they are less deserving of equality.
you know not where people come from.
it is not your place to dehumanize them.
they are a person just like you.
and frankly if they are not worthy of equality neither are you.

as i sit back and i look at the people in my life or the people that i encounter throughout my days.
i look at them as a piece of thread.
a different color
a different length
a different texture
just different.
and when we are all woven together to make the tapestry of humanity
we make the most beautiful one
alone we are all just a piece of string.
you are no better than the next.
i am no better than you
and you are no better than me.
and that is something that i am thankful for.

i am thankful that i am me
i am thankful for where i come from
i am thankful for where i am going
i am thankful for what i have been through
i am thankful for my laughter
i am thankful for your laughter that i give to you
i am thankful for the rain
i am thankful for the sun
i am thankful for my brain
i am thankful for my soul
i am thankful for the sound of my daughter sleeping
i am thankful for the waves crashing against the shore
i am thankful for the sand between my toes
i am thankful for community
i am thankful that i am part of a community
i am thankful for the bountiful feast that is set before me
i am thankful for the honor of being a coach
i am thankful for the honor of being a mentor
i am thankful for my right to choose
i am thankful for being different
i am thankful that my mostly companion is different than i am
i am thankful for the simple things in life
i am thankful that i am alive
i am thankful that i was raised the way i was
i am thankful for patience
i am thankful for acceptance (i wish there were a lot more of this these days)
i am thankful for kindness
i am thankful for simplicity
i am thankful for clean drinking water
i am thankful that i have the ability to be the change i wish to see in the world
i am thankful that people can fight for what the believe without demeaning others
i am thankful that i have travelled
i am thankful that i will continue to travel
i am thankful for my body, it's not perfect but it works and it's mine
i am thankful that i have had the privilege of falling in love
i am thankful that i have the privilege of being in love
i am thankful that i am mother
i am thankful for the beautiful creature that is my daughter
i am thankful for her laughter
i am thankful for smile
i am thankful for the roof over my head
i am thankful for faith
i am thankful that we all have the freedom to believe in something
i am thankful for the music that moves me
i am thankful for the music that flows through my veins
i am thankful for you
i am thankful for me
i am thankful for books
i am thankful that i fall into bed each night and sleep encompasses me
i am thankful for my education
i am thankful for the people i call my friends
i am thankful for life...

this list could go on.
and on
and on.

but i'll save you time.
it just goes to show that regardless of what i believe and what you believe
what your political agenda is
or mine
i am the same as you
you are the same as me
we have many things in common...
many are different
but many are the same.
people do not deserve unkind words based on what they believe.
our differences make us special.
our similarities do too.
so do everyone a favor and remember that at the end of the day we are all human.
and saying unkind and demeaning things just because you believe differently
hurts
offends
saddens
disgusts
breaks
dismantles

it does no good.
it does harm.
your laughter can be someone elses tears.

have your opinions.
keep them.
speak them.
but learn tact.
learn grace.
learn to be appropriate.

an election is not a reason to slam people.
an election should be used for positivity.
it should be used for you to fight for what you believe
it is one thing to speak up about the things you disagree with
it is important to have a voice
it is important to make your voice heard.
but do so in a way that makes a point
facilitates change
not in a way that is offensive
do not attack others
they have done nothing to warrant your words.
you know not who you hurt.
you know not who you offend.
you know not the damage you do.

speak your piece.
speak your mind.
but do so mindfully
otherwise it's simply unkind.

be good to one another.
cause frankly
we're all we've got.
want to save humanity.
be humanity.
be present and be active.
but do so with your heart and mind open and thoughtful
be considerate.
be thankful
be appreciative
and be accepting that we are all different and that is what makes us special.
because at the end of the day...
you are not perfect.
i am not perfect
you are flawed
i am flawed.
we all are.
and it's ok.

i guess there is nothing more i can say.
i have exhausted my words
i have exhausted my hands.
but i could not let this go unsaid.
as my heart was saddened.
my stomach sickened
my soul was disappointed

remember it does you no good to be mean.

with that i leave you.

happy reading.

two times in one night...i'm on a roll!

well this is a first.
two posts in one night.
not sure what has come over me...
but i cannot complain.


this one is of a different nature it is one of great love.
for those of you know and know for those of you who don't...
now you do.
my totter is deaf in one ear.
when you meet her you would never know.
unless you went to hand her a telephone and tried to put it on her right ear.
she'll tell you she doesn't hear out of that one...
in a very much DUH tone.
she's the best.
she makes me smile.
and one might notice if you were to sing with her.
she'll read your lips.
its pretty cool.
it impresses me.
but then again i am her mom so most everything she does impresses me.
(you should see her climb the rope  - it will impress you too!)
but that's neither here nor there.
the only other time you might know is when she is tired and she is trying to watch tv...
she will want to lay a particular direction so that she can hear.


but this post isn't totally about her.
although i could go on and on cause she is just AMAZING.
this post is really about being deaf.
a few years ago i decided to broaden my horizons by learning American Sign Language
not just because i wanted another language under my belt
but should anything ever happen to totters good ear i didn't want to lose our words
to lose our conversation


American Sign Language is beautiful
beautiful beyond words.
being deaf does not dictate any deficiency
any thing "wrong"
it is simply the need to speak a different language.
and if we hearing people would take the time to listen
to really listen
you would learn its not silence that you hear
its a voice just like any other
you simply hear with different parts of yourself


when we say a picture is worth a thousand words.
it's true.
what is said in eyes
hands
and body language.
so we should open our eyes
hearts
and minds
and listen.


in my studies of ASL i was blessed to be turned on to D-PAN
Deaf Professional Artists Network
it is AMAZING.
this is why i am writing tonight.
a friend of mine
the woman with 3 first names...and now a extra last name to boot
(she just got married - thanks be to her husband for his service in the military)
shared with me their newest video...
so of course
i had to watch.
phenomenal.
like always.

so tonight i would like to share with you.
1st - we are going to be friends - the white stripes
please take the time to watch them.
they are truly very special.
and very important reminders.
2nd - beautiful - christina aguilera

and one more

this is probably my favorite as it shows scenes from a student uprising at Gallaudet Univeristy

which you most likely have never heard of

but should.

it is the only university in the WORLD

who's programs are dedicated to hard of hearing and deaf students.

thank you to Abraham Lincoln.

So please please please read this go check out Gallaudet's website as well as D-PAN's and hear the words.

Happy Reading!

20 Adult Truths

I found this gem this morning from a friend of mine...I loved it so much I had to share!!


1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.



2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


4. They really need to have a sarcasm font.


... ... 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


10. Bad decisions make good stories.


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.


13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.


15. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.


18. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.


19. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.


20. There's a reason some women have a bumper sticker saying, "I have PMS & a hand gun!" Do we really need to know more?

struggling

So this evening I sit here wishing that I had something very witty and enteraining about or at least interesting to write about...as I am longing to blog.  However I don't.  I am just lacking creativity at the moment I suppose.  It is entirely possible that the never ending rain has begun to seep in through the cracks in me and soak my brain to a useless pile of mush. 


On a lighter note and note is the perfect word to describe it...gLee is returning in 2 weeks from tonight.  I am not sure if any of you who are reading this have seen gLee (or if there are any of you who actually read my inner ramblings that I call my blog) but this show is so delightful to me!!  I could go on forever!!  Oh how I love it.  However that was not really my intentions of writing this evening.

I was trying to release this "writers" block that I am experiencing if you could even call me a "writer" oh how I do fancy that notion though...Allison a writer!!   But thats not really anything of consequence today either..well I suppose with these ramblings nothing this evening is really of consequence.  But that is ok!

I guess today is just a day to boop boop boop - get it all out. (boop boop boop was the only noise that I seemed to be able to come up with.)  I could possibly be feeling this lack of creativity due to the fact that my Spring term has begun.  Although my break was only for a week and a half it was really lovely not that I did much of anything cause I really didn't.  I saw my daughter off on vacation (oh how I long to take one of my own), celebrated my birthday I am another step closer to 30 which is gravy...My mostly companion and I cleaned the house, and relished in it...we had a soccer game and wonderfully enough we won!!  5 -0!!  Woohoo it was our first game of the session too!!  What a way to kick it off!! 

Well...I have run out of ramblings.  So I think I shall go and warm my feet and relax my brain and have my nightly date with Charlotte Bronte.  So good night my friends and strangers!!  Much love and warmth to you on this cold wet evening.

Happy Reading!!