21 part deux

20 birthdays had come and gone...
today is one more since you have been gone...
some days they make me smile and reflect.
missing you always.

this year seems to encompass me in quiet reflection.
i watched the days on the calendar tick by.
knowing that it would land upon today.
each day filled my heart with a little more heaviness and a little more dread.
why...
i don't know.

it is like the ocean.
some days it merely laps at my feet.
covering my toes.
to my ankles.
some days it sucks me under
leaving me grasping for air.
for the strength to battle the waves.
today is one of those days.

for many years i tucked it all away and went about my business.
in the past few years
i took path that happened to open all the wounds again
to make them fresh.
i have not yet learned how to close them up again.
it will come in time.
this i know.
they of course will never be the same as they once were.
but that is the way that life and loss go.

it seems as though a lifetime of birthdays have passed since you were.
yours, mine, all of ours.
the people we have become.
the person you would have been.

happy birthday dad.
from my heart to yours...